The Cost Of True Happiness

In my former life as a corporate Business Analyst we worked with cost/benefit analysis when determining if a project was worth undertaking (I know - the corporate world and I are not really a match however I did manage to introduce some Reiki and metaphysical content into our project meetings :) As we're heading into the second Mercury Retrograde of 2016 on April 28th it strikes me that we do this subconsciously in our lives as well, and if we can bring those subconscious choices to the realm of consciousness to be reviewed and perhaps altered we can increase the level of happiness and well being in our lives.

There is a cost for every choice we make, that cost is sometimes in the form of what we forgo to receive the benefit of our choice. For example, consider those who stay in an unhappy marriage for financial security, the cost of the financial security is not having a loving spouse to share life with. Also on the topic of financial security consider those who stay in a high stress job that makes them miserable for the paycheck that supports a particular lifestyle. The cost of that lifestyle is the stress and misery of the work that funds it. Many people stay in unhealthy relationships in order to avoid too much time alone; this includes romantic relationships as well as friendships. The cost of consistently eating unhealthy foods in an effort to find emotional solace may be our physical health.

It's beneficial to take a step back and look at the choices we are making in our lives to determine if the cost of those choices is worth the benefit received. This requires being very honest with ourselves and asking if those choices are being made out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of financial challenges, fear of having to confront our emotional pain etc...Once the fear based (ego based) choices are brought to light we can then take the next step and ask ourselves what is the opportunity for healing that will allow us to move out of those fear based life situations. 

The healing needed may be to address low self esteem, release old emotional pain, to take responsibility for our own self care or even learning how to enjoy time alone. This process requires change, change is often a scary proposition as it involves the unknown. 

Ask yourself - are your life choices honoring to yourself or do they diminish you in some way? Releasing those situations that are diminishing to the essence of who you are is certainly worth the risk of making changes! From an energy healing perspective change is related to the second (sacral) chakra. When we have a firm foundation in the root chakra; when we are well grounded, change becomes less frightening. 

It's often helpful to request the support of a trusted friend, counselor or energy healer when undertaking this exercise in order to receive unbiased feedback as well as support. We are after all social beings and there is no need to try to do it all in a vacuum, by yourself. We all deserve to be happy and releasing situations that no longer resonate with our soul essence in order to create space for new endeavors that do is a powerful step to creating greater life satisfaction. Onward and upward!

Why Healthy Boundaries Are Important

Defining our boundaries is about defining our limits, healthy boundaries are important to our well being; our physical and emotional health. When boundaries are not defined or when they are breached we end up feeling drained. The lack of boundaries can be a result of many factors: conditioning from our upbringing, a fear of rejection, a well intended but misplaced desire to help another, or even guilt. 

From an energetic perspective it can be the results of the sacral chakra (personal power) being deficient, a heart chakra (love and balance) being excessive and/or a deficient crown chakra presenting as someone who doesn’t think for themselves but follows another.

Physical boundaries include your personal space. These may be invaded by someone touching you uninvited, standing too close to you or even someone going through your personal belongings. Emotional boundaries have to do with defining our own thoughts and feelings and keeping them separate from those belonging to others. Examples of this would be allowing yourself to be unhappy because of someone else’s mood (codependency - an excessive heart chakra), sacrificing your own dreams or desires to make someone else happy, trying to solve someone else’s problems for them (again – codependency) or even blaming your own problems on someone else rather than owning them and therefore owning the healing process. Energetic boundaries are breached when someone takes your personal energy or when your willingly give it away.

We can address this both in the physical world and from an energetic perspective. A helpful self-assessment from Terri Cole (http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/06/29/how-to-create-healthy-boundaries) is as follows:

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES allow you to:

·         Have high self-esteem and self-respect.

·         Share personal information gradually, in a mutually sharing and trusting relationship.

·         Protect physical and emotional space from intrusion.

·         Have an equal partnership where responsibility and power are shared.

·         Be assertive. Confidently and truthfully say “yes” or “no” and be okay when others say “no” to you.

·         Separate your needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires from others. Recognize that your boundaries and needs are different from others.

·         Empower yourself to make healthy choices and take responsibility for yourself.

UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES are characterized by:

·         Sharing too much too soon or, at the other end of the spectrum, closing yourself off and not expressing your need and wants.

·         Feeling responsible for other’s happiness.

·         Inability to say “no” for fear of rejection or abandonment.

·         Weak sense of your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how others treat you.

·         Disempowerment. You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.

Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries - (Modified from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine)

·         When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting.

·         You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful manner. If it upset them, know it is their problem. Some people, especially those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might test you. Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm. Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting. You cannot successfully establish a clear boundary if you send mixed messages by apologizing.

·         At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to self-care. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.

·         When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say, then communicate assertively.

·         Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in your own time frame, not when someone else tells you.

·         Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life—those who want to manipulate, abuse, and control you.

Addressing Boundaries from an Energetic Perspective:

·         Be sure to put protection around yourself daily

·         Keeping the human energy system – the chakras, body and aura healthy and clear will support healthy boundaries

·         Pull in that heart chakra! J An excessive heart chakra sounds nice but it’s not good for us or for others. Mentally pull that heart chakra in to a healthy size. If you’re having trouble with this imagine or see a band of light around the front and back of your heart chakra like an energetic tube top and ask for angelic assistance in holding it in place (Archangel Michael is the angel of protection). Another helpful technique is to make a list of 10 things you love about yourself. Then make a list of things you can forgive yourself for. Offering love and compassion to ourselves is very helpful in maintaining a healthy heart chakra

·         Practice breathwork. Air is the element of the heart chakra, breathwork is a good way to get in touch with this element

·         If you have a small solar plexus chakra (third chakra) that presents as deficient personal power examine the groups you belong to and your place in them. Your home life, work life, social groups etc… Are there imbalances of power in these groups and how does that effect you? What steps can you take to correct these? Consider any unhealthy attachments you may be carrying and let them go

·       If your crown chakra is deficient meditation is very helpful. Also consider reading a book or taking a class in a topic that is spiritually or intellectually stimulating

A Valentine's Day Story

Many years ago shortly after my divorce I was still working a corporate job and my desk at the time was situated along a hallway. That Valentine's Day I watched women walking down the hall all morning with flowers that had been sent to them. 

I thought to myself how nice that was and and how much I would enjoy flowers as well but being newly single let the thought go. That afternoon as I left the deli after lunch there was an elderly gentleman standing out front with a basket of silk roses. He was very kind and handed me a silk rose which I put in a planter sitting on my desk. How lovely that my wish had been granted and someone had given me a pretty flower! I was grateful for this gift which had come in an unexpected manner and decided it was a present from Spirit.

About a week later there was another parade of women walking down the hall carrying their fresh flowers that had wilted to the trash can. I looked at the silk rose on my desk which was still as lovely as a week earlier and had the realization that which we receive in our current physical existence is beautiful but temporary. That which we receive from our relationship with The Divine is beautiful and everlasting. That silk rose is still on my desk years later as a reminder of Divine love.

Forgiveness

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes.  

Forgiveness is a key component to letting go of the past and moving forward; forgiveness of both self and others. If we don't offer ourselves compassion it's hard to offer it to anyone else. Forgiveness does not mean we condone the actions, nor does it mean we have to subject ourselves to it again. We don't even have to reconnect with the other person if that is best, forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. 

By forgiving we allow ourselves to put down the heavy baggage of hurt, pain and anger and move forward with increased lightness and freedom. Consider what opportunities for forgiveness exists in your life! If you work with crystals lepidolite is wonderful for supporting forgiveness. Lepidolite is a lovely lilac colored lithium mica, it has a soothing tranquil energy and also supports the third eye chakra/intuition. The lepidolite image below is from www.auburn.edu.

Flowing with the Higher Energies

Hello Beautiful Souls - have you been feeling all the shifting going on this year? These are changing and exciting times for certain, there has been a lot of higher vibrational energy coming in all year to support letting go of the old and raising our energy vibrations to align more closely with our higher selves and The Divine.

Now is the time to release anything that is not supporting your personal growth and movement to a love based existence. You may have noticed old issues and challenges have been coming up all year to be re-examined and released. You may also feel tired and sluggish as our bodies are adjusting to the higher energies.The human energy system is comprised of our physical bodies, our chakras (energy centers) and the aura, these are all connected to each other. In terms of raising our vibrations it is important to keep all three clear and healthy.

What can you do to support flowing with these changes?

1. Stay well grounded and hydrated

2. Make it a point to take care of your body and listen to what it is telling you. If you feel tired rest, if you're antsy get some exercise, etc... Eat healthy natural foods.

3. A daily meditation practice will help with clarity and balance, it only takes 15 minutes a day to feel the benefit of this!

4. Identify and release attachments. To help identify attachments complete the following sentence: I will be happy when <fill in the blank>. Whatever your "when" is is the attachment. Happiness exists inside of us in the present moment. Letting go of the "when" supports being happy now.

5. Notice what relationships and activities are not in alignment with your values and ethics and make adjustments accordingly

6. Crystals are a wonderful and easy way to support the clearing process. If you're not sure which to use start with clear quartz to align the energy centers in the body, a grounding crystal such as black onyx and amethyst. Amethyst is the master healing crystal. You can wear these, hold them or sit them near you. 

7. Stay in the present moment, catch those ruminations on the past or worries about the future and replace them by focusing on what is happening in the present moment

8. In this new energy it's important to operate from the heart (love) rather than a head (ego). When we navigate through life from a place of love rather than ego it creates more joy for us as individuals and also for those around us. That's the beauty of love - when we share it with others it lifts us up as well! To give it a try check in with yourself the next time you have a choice to make and ask yourself if it feels like a love based choice or an ego based choice. There is a well known idea that all thoughts and actions can be boiled down to one of two basic sources; fear or love – being aware of this and checking in with ourselves about our true motivations can help us to be more self-aware and make higher vibrational (more love based) choices.

9. Let go. We really only have control over one thing in life – ourselves, this includes our thoughts and our actions. When we base the condition of our happiness on events we cannot control (other people’s behavior, situations, etc…) we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and unhappiness.

10. Forgive. When we are able to forgive ourselves it is much easier to forgive others.

If you would like support during this process I am available for individual energy healing sessions, readings. All of these can be performed while we are on the phone together or in person in Hereford, MD. Onward and upward!!

Navigating a Mercury Retrograde

The planet Mercury is associated with communication, thinking processes, travel and commerce. Mercury goes retrograde (appears to move backward although it actually isn't) three or four times a year for around three weeks during each occurrence with a shadow period before and after the retrograde. From an energetic perspective this is a time known for miscommunication, things breaking and plans going awry - there is usually a bit of groaning around a retrograde HOWEVER it's also a wonderful opportunity for reflection, completing unfinished business and letting go!

Each Mercury Retrograde is colored by the sign it occurs in, to see a listing of Mercury Retrograde dates and the signs they are in click here http://www.astrologyhoroscopereadings.com/2016-mercury-retrograde-calendar.html. To determine how Mercury impacts you personally look at your natal chart to see what house Mercury is in and the associations. Astro.com has some good, free information on this topic http://www.astro.com/

Tips For Navigating Mercury Retrograde:

1. Be very clear with your communications and check that you are correctly understanding what others are communicating to you.

2. This is not known as an advantageous time to begin new ventures - sign contracts, purchase electronics, start a new job or relationship.

3. Allow extra travel time.

4. Be prepared for unresolved relationships and other connections from the past to come forward for resolution.

5. Consider this a powerful review period! Re-think, re-assess, re-evaluate, re-organize your life.

6. Wrap up those loose ends. Pay off old debts, seek closure on old relationships, pay back any favors owed, etc...

7. Stay well grounded. Focus on the present moment and release ruminations about the past and worries about the future.

8. Be patient with yourself and others.

9. Items that are ready to go often break during a Mercury Retrograde. Consider this a blessing and repair or replace them as needed.

10. Take this opportunity for reflection for deeper self-knowledge to help you move forward in deeper alignment with your higher self.

11. Go with the flow! Don't be attached to specific outcomes it will likely lead to disappointment. Rather be open to what opportunities are presented.

12. Let go, let go, let go...

Essentials for Your Crystal Tool Kit

I do almost as much work with crystals in my Reiki practice as I do with Reiki - both in working with individual clients and in the form of workshops. People often ask which crystals they should start with; this is a list of what I consider to be the seven most generally useful crystals to have. 

I hope you will consider adding some of these to your own crystal tool kit! It's important to periodically cleanse your crystals by smudging or using other cleansing methods. It's also helpful to remember the size of the crystal will make a difference in the amount of energy it generates. There are many ways to work with crystals, one of the most effective being to wear them against the skin.


Amethyst - Amethyst is the master healing crystal and does pretty much everything except ground us. If I could have only one crystal it would be amethyst. This versatile powerhouse is a form of quartz and is therefore also a strong amplifier of energy. 

Amethyst has a tranquil, calming energy and resonates primarily with the third eye and crown chakras. It's wonderful to use to promote relaxation, balance, and deepening intuition. Hold or wear amethyst during meditation for a boost in your connection to the upper realms. Amethyst placed under the pillow or on a nightstand will help with a restful sleep and pleasant dreams. 

Amethyst helps to align the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. It also assists with spiritual development by promoting higher states of consciousness and connection to divine as well as transmuting negative energies. An amethyst cluster is a lovely crystal to place in the bedroom due to it's calming energy and a cluster shape will help send the energy in all directions due to the various facing points.

Try placing an amethyst directly on the body wherever you have pain, this is especially helpful with headaches. If you're feeling stressed or upset place an amethyst on your heart chakra for 15 minutes and notice the difference!


Black Kyanite - This crystal balances yin and yang energies, grounds, protects and aligns the chakras. It supports clearing the Root chakra and the Earth Star chakra. This is my "go-to" crystal for grounding! I strong suggest anyone who offers energy healing to others wear this crystal for it's grounding and protective qualities. 

Black kyanite works beautifully with other colors of kyanite, the most common being blue kyanite. Try wearing these together. Another way to work with black kyanite is to place it near the first chakra and by the feet for deep grounding and alignment. It also supports manifestation which is one of the life themes associated with the first chakra. The alignment energy of black kyanite is quite strong and palpable.


Carnelian - Carnelian is a member of the chalcedony family of quartz. Chalcedony is an umbrella term for a variety of quartz that is translucent and has a crystalline structure too fine to be seen by the naked eye. Other members of this classification are jasper and agate. Carnelian has a  grounding energy and generates an uplifting feeling of positive energy. If there was a crystal that had a smiley face on it carnelian would be the one:)

Carnelian supports motivation and self trust; the happy vibe it projects helps with depression. It is used to promote a love of life, to calm anger and sharpen focus. Carnelian also has a slight grounding energy which compliments the uplifting aspect of this crystal.

Carnelian resonates with the second chakra and is the perfect crystal to sit on your desk. It will boost focus, vitality and creativity as you work. Use in healing work by placing on the body or wearing when recovering from an illness to restore vitality, it's also good for helping ease cramps. Wear carnelian next to the skin for grounding in the present moment and a little boost of pep


Clear quartz - Clear quartz amplifies and harmonizes the energy it is exposed to altering it to a higher state, so the key to using clear quartz is your intention. Clear quartz has the quality of vibrating with all colors therefore resonates with all of the chakras however it is particularly helpful in working with the crown chakra. This crystal may be used with any other crystal to amplify the energy of that crystal. Clear quartz also works on all levels of our being - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual and can be used for energizing, healing and cleansing. It is a highly versatile crystal. 

“Like humans, each Clear Quartz crystal is unique, each with its own personality, lessons, and experiences. The crystals attracted into one's life are stones that will in some way help facilitate personal growth and awareness. They may work subliminally in unawakened minds, but for those spiritually attuned to the universe Quartz crystals are like beacons of light and positive energy to be used in daily thoughts, feelings, words and actions and integrated onto the earth.” - Katrina Raphaell, Crystal Enlightenment http://www.amazon.com/Crystal-Enlightenment-Transforming-Properties-Crystals/dp/0943358272


Danburite - Danburite connects the heart and mind, both the heart and high heart (thymus) chakras. It is a very high vibrational crystal that promotes love energy and let’s our true selves shine through. Use it for heart and crown chakra healing, acceptance and connecting to higher realms. Danburite has a peaceful, calm energy and helps to clear karmic ties.

Place Danburite under your pillow or near you at night to help with peaceful sleep and lucid dreaming; Wear as a necklace or earrings to have it near your upper chakras; Hold it or place it on your body while meditating to connect with higher realms; place it on or near your crown chakra while performing self-Reiki


Lepidolite - Lepidolite is a lilac variety of lithium mica that has a peaceful energy and is used to promote connection with the Divine, love and peace. Its soothing energy is helpful in reducing anxiety and instills a sense of calmness and serenity. Lepidolite resonates most strongly with the third eye and crown chakras and is helpful with meditation as it resonates with an energy that assists with connection to the higher realms.

Work with this crystal to promote harmony, to support forgiveness and to heal from emotional suffering. Lepidolite is also very helpful to hold or wear during a Violet Flame meditation.


Selenite - Selenite resonates with higher frequencies and the upper chakras. It supports opening the Crown Chakra, Soul Star Chakra and those above and assists in the spiritual journey. Use selenite during meditation to support connection to the higher realms including angelic energy.

Selenite can also be used to clean other crystals. Sit the other crystals on a selenite rod or slab overnight or longer. You can also use selenite to help remove negative energy by sweeping your aura with it.